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I’ve been teaching pole since 2009, and in that time I have heard variations on the “I don’t feel sexy” theme so many times it would make your head spin (Get it? Spin? Haha, I crack myself up.)

  • I’m a tomboy, I don’t know how to be sexy
  • I’m too old to be sexy
  • I just don’t know how to be sexy
  • I’m not a naturally sexy person
  • I’m too fat to be sexy
  • I’m too skinny to be sexy
Really? Let’s talk about this. The list above is ridiculous, and we all know it. Human beings can be so self-contradictory. I look at the women in my home studio and think “HOLY SHIT they are sexy she-beasts!” And you know what? They look at me and think “HOLY SHIT she is a sexy she-beast!” And you know what? We’re all correct. 
What do you think of when you hear the word sexy? For many of us, the mental picture we pull up is what SOCIETY says is sexy. Victoria’s Secret models. SI swimsuit issue models. Fitspo models.
But the answer to the “sexy” question is more about your mindset than the size of your breasts, or the shape of your butt, or the number on the scale, or the number of candles on your birthday cake.

I have, at the tender age of 44, finally (FINALLY) made peace with my body. We’d had peaceful stretches from time to time, but I never really truly accepted it. Now I have. And you know what? I love it. I love my woman’s body. I am comfortable in my own skin, expressing my sexuality in a way that feels right for me and for my brain.

What makes you feel sexy and at ease in your skin? Is it dim lighting? Heels? Slow music? Or maybe it’s hair whipping and heel clacks? Or maybe heartfelt country lyrics and strumming guitars do it for you … or maybe soft shapes and long lines and expressive hands and feet do. Here’s the thing: it. does. not. matter.

What makes you FEEL sexy is what IS sexy. Period.

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