Written by Tiff Finney.   Scared of Sexy. You are either reading this because: 1. You fall whack bam in the centre of the statement “Scared Of Sexy” 2. You are inquisitive as to why people feel this way because you bloody love “Sexy” 3. You remember those days when you were but now you are all up in that shit. So I thought I would share my views on the whole thing.

For many many reasons, many of us are scared of sexy.

These, I reckon, are the two main reasons:

1. The “Arse Wipe” effect.

Being sexy is synonymous to being confident. Being confident as a woman in our society is synonymous with being an “up yourself arse wipe”. And no one wants to be an arse wipe.

2. Im just NOT sexy.

The last thing you are going to do is prance about pretending that you are sex goddess if you “know” that you are NOT sexy. I have experienced both (and still do) so I’m going to break them both down…

The “Arse Wipe Effect” Explained

Tiff Finney

I get many moments of the “arse wipe” effect. I constantly worry that if and when I say to someone, “I am happy with who I am and I will wear what I want, say what I want, dance how I want”, that they think I am just an arrogant biatch who thinks only about myself  and that I need to be brought down a peg or two. I want to scream that it’s not the case. I really care about other people and their feelings. I care how they feel about themselves and I care about how they feel about me. I don’t want people to dislike me because of the way I look or because I am a generally confident person and love a bit of sexy. But if they do dislike me on those basis then what can I do?? Nothing- so I let it go. If someone doesn’t like me for something that I actively did wrong, then that’s different. In reality, I want all women (and men too, but in this case I am talking about women) to feel the same. I want women to dress/dance/think exactly how they want to rather than dressing/dancing/thinking in a way that won’t make them appear like arse wipes to other people. If you know that you are a go od person and that you have a good heart and love and care about the people that love and care about you too then you will still be that good person if you are a confident, sexy person too. Your idea of sexy and confident may be different to mine. Which is also abso-cool by me.

Im just NOT Sexy

I have been in both categories. I used to think I was just not sexy so I wasn’t going to force a sexy side upon others and give them nightmares. Generally speaking, we think of set requirements that “entitle” us to be sexy. If you don’t meet the requirements, you should just be agoraphobic and not offend everyone with your face and body. Like when people say they will lose weight before they go to a pole class. Because people have a misconception that shouts “Pole= For Sexy People” and that “Slim Build Only=Sexy”, they will have to get slim before they go to a pole class. I mean, what a fucking waste. Think of all of the amazing women I could have met at pole that I probably won’t ever get to meet because of this. I find lots of parts of my looks and personality as absolutely categorically NOT sexy. But I don’t dwell on them. I’m always the first to laugh at my concave bum, my flaky scalp, my bacne, volcano pores and rapidly early ageing signs. Yeah, I would rather look like a walking airbrush model forevs like, but no, I’m not going to. And that’s cool (she says, weeping tears into the keyboard). I won’t say that I “embrace my flaws”, because I don’t. The difference is that, I like parts of my body and parts of m y personality. When I look at other people, I like enjoying and embracing all the things that they have that I don’t. For instance, good skin, patience, shy charm, bubble but ts, teeny waists, amazonian waists, thick thighs, rocking short hair, natural olive skin, owning pale skin, wisdom and… yes….delicate ankles. The list could go on for eternity. I think that when I realised this, I was hit an epiphany. I remember thinking, “ah, there ARE things I quite like about myself, so I’m going to go gung ho with them and then I can just enjoy all the other stuff on other people”. Best of both worlds! I mean, I remember actually wanting to be 5ft 2″ and 6ft at the same time. I remember wanting to have an arse like a monster shelf and an arse that was small and peachy at the same time. I mean, what the fuck? Hahahaha. I realised that I loved so many contradicting qualities in other people and saw the sexiness in so many people and that it goes both ways. Everyone really is sexy. You just need to allow yourself to see it! Like I said earlier, being sexy means different things to different people. Whatever it is to you;  enjoy it, do it, embrace it. Be #NotScaredOfSexy It’s also the annual Bringing Sexy Back time as organised by United Pole Artists for pole dancers and women that want to bring out their sexy side with pics and vids. It’s a community of people having one big celebration of unapologetic sexy. Go get some here Tiff xxx Read more by Tiff, click here.